In Turkey getting married starts with preparation like in many other countries in the world. Depending on the area the persons live in, there are different kinds of getting together, preparation and wedding in Turkey. That's why I just mention the ones that I personally know. I know some people in my personal environment that have different customs.
 There are very different kinds of getting married in Turkey. There are areas where just related persons married each other in former times. But they were less and less and lose importance.
 An especialness is kidnapping the bride to-be. It needn't in any case be a forced one but mostly is a wanted kidnapping. In this place I'd like to tell you that even my parents got together this way (picture 1961). It was often the only possibility because the groom was not able afford the money that had to be given for the bride.
 Another possibility of getting together that I personally know is "Besik Kertme". The "couple" is being engaged when they are still babies or children. But it isn't practised often because the children grow-up and often find the bride/groom not fitting. Conflicts up to bloodshed might be the results. The average age for marriage is between 18 and 25, but this also depends on the area. Even today marriage between brothers and sisters or relatives are possible.

That's like it is taking place
 Traditionally young men at marriageable age look for a bride via the help of their parents, friends, pals and neighbours. These give the parents hints and proposals. But as said before this is the traditional way so it is not used everywhere. In bigger towns there is nearly no difference to the European way: look for her yourself!
 If it takes place in the traditional way and the young man has chosen a girl there will be the ceremony of asking the girl's hand in marriage. The young man has to visit the girl's parents together with his parents. They take a small present, usually some sweets like Lokum, with them. This procedure is very formal and inflexible. After some small talk the young man's parents say the famous sentence: "With the allowance of Allah we ask for this girl's hand in marriage for our son." It is possible that the girl's parents need some time to think about it. In this case the young man and his parents have to come again on another day. The girl's parents usually talk to the girl. Even the elder brothers and sisters, but mostly the brothers, are asked for their opinion. This is not just pro forma. I could happen that there won't be a marriage if the elder brother is against it. But if everyone thinks of this marriage as a good thing there's the next step.

The Engagement
 The engagement usually takes place at the bride's house but it can of course also take place at a leased room. There are no special rules about the engagement. You just have to take presents with you and party. The engagement ring is being put onto the right ring finger. After the engagement the couple is able to meet each other in public. If they live in a small town there might be needed an extra permission. Cancelling an engagement is not very nice. If it is happening nonetheless the bride but not the groom has to or should give the presents back.

The Henna Night
I just call it a small party for the bride and her girlfriends/female relatives. But the groom is permitted to take part in it for a short time, you could call it a flying visit. One part of the party is the bride sitting in the middle of the room with a colourful drapery over her head (this is not made if she is a widow or a orphan) and her hands being painted with henna. The groom's family gives her a coin during this part of the party. They sing a lot and dance, sometimes even until the break of dawn.

The wedding

From the beginning this day is very stressful. The reason is that you have to think of everything: getting flowers, cars, the saloon, guest list, friends, presents, small coins, the appointment at the photographer's, dressing, rings, maybe a hotel and much more but especially the hairdresser! At the hairdresser's (Kuaför) there is not only the bride for hours and hours to be made chic but also dozens of relatives. Of course the groom also has to go to the hairdresser's but that's just for a short period of time. But let's go on to the most important event, that's when the couple reaches the saloon, where they are taken in their bride car (Gelin arabasi) accompanied by a convoy of honking cars. After entering the saloon with everybody applauding the bride and groom sit down at their table that is placed on a small podium. By the way the marriage is officiated by a registrar at the marriage house (Evlenme daire) or if they like at the wedding saloon. A funny tradition is to step on the partner's foot during the ceremony. It is said that the first to do this is the one that is top dog in the relationship! The rings are being put onto the left ring finger because it is nearer to the heart. But you needn't wear a ring if you don't like to because Islam doesn't order to do this. One of the heights during dancing and smiling into the camera is the present giving by the guests. The nearer the relation is the more is the present. The bridal couple gets banknotes that are put onto the couple's clothes with pins and gold jewellery especially bracelets. This procedure takes quite a lot time because there is a long line of people also wanting to give them their present.

The wedding night

After the festivities when the guests are gone and the bridal couple wants to be alone it can happen that an elder woman is waiting in their bedroom to link the bridal couple's hands. After this the groom says a prayer and gives the bride a traditional present. There might also be a meal that the family prepared for the bride. The most delicate subject is the virginity. This is a topic that is often discussed in our society. It is a fact that it's very important in a traditional society. So it might happen that the bride takes the bed sheet to show it to her mother as a proof of her virginity. It is requested by traditional Turkish people. If she was not a virgin it might be a reason for divorce. They deal with it very harshly. The bride might even be sent back to her parents' house! But I want to emphasize that today it is not practised a lot because modern Turkish people do not continue with this tradition.

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